This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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