were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
