Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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