Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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