Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
