What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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