so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
