She is in my trunk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
