I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
