Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
