i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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