i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
