just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
