Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just pee around me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
