god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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