All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
