And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
