My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
