dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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