Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
