last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
