i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
