my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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