I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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