Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is wine microwaveable?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
