i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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