Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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