I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
