girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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