My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
