I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
