So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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