I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
