Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
