My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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