she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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