Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
