She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
