you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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