We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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