i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
