dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
