You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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