He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
