idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
someone threw a dead crab at me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
