Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
