I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
