Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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