You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
