Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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