im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
