Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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